Me or Them?

In talking to my mom the other day, she told me a story about a "spinster" she went to church with as a young girl. The lady said (adn I realize I'm paraphrasing here) that she was walking through the woods (dating life) and throwing aside "crooked stick", (men being men) because she believed there was a "perfect stick" (Josh Groban. haahaa...not really. The ideal man), only to find that there was no "perfect stick". She indicated that I would throw men away because I always found fault with them.

She brought a guy up from years ago. "He was so enamoured by you, but you threw him to the side."

I bit my tongue. Why is it that I'm supposed to get involved with a guy because HE'S enamoured with me? Isn't it just as important for me to be enamoured by him?

So, after cooling off for a couple days (because it really bothered me), I sent her a text. I pretty much stated that I wasn't afraid of the shortcomings of the guys, but afraid that my shortcomings would scare them off.

Am I so perfect that I have no shortcomings? No.

I tend to think a lot of the times like the teen I wish I still was. I tend to overdramatize situations (though I'm learning to change this). I'm Irish, so hence, I have the Irish stubborness. I have the Swedish pride. I hate men thinking that I live only to serve them and I am unable to live with out having one in my life.

I do wish I was married and had kids, but the truth is that my parents did such a good job of raising me to be such an independant self-reliant woman, that it tends to scare men away. I would like to have a man, but I don't need one.

And, yes. There is a difference.

I am a perfectly compelte painting. I'm just waiting for my frame.

And I've started to give up hoping that he's out there.